At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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