Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
