I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
