so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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