Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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