For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
