I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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