i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
