sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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