I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
