I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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