A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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