you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
