I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
