And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
