I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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