accomplished twins. life is a go
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
