craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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