why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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