Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
