OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it glows. i had to have it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize