I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
