if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i came on her dog
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
