i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
