Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
