When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
