New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize