My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize