i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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