when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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