I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i may or may not be watching the land before time
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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