talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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