so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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