if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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