I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
