i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
