I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
