Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
