dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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