u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
