Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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