happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
