my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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