i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
