Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
