wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
