have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
