I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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