worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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