No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
