when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
