so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
