K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
