I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
