So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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