1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
