Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
