You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
