You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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