I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
